Searching through the twisted halls of the Inner Sanctums of Feminine Logic, even when one speaks the language, isn’t easy. We want LOTS of things, and we keep losing the dang list! We want to be blonde, no brunette, no maybe a redhead or wait can you just put some highlights in for me? We want to be smarter, no dumber, well, maybe only sort of smart. We want to be taller, or shorter, or maybe, more medium and we ALL want our butts to look smaller, except the one woman who reads this and says, I don’t! Not me, my butt is fine the way it is, she’s wrong! So okay then, the rest of us want our butts to look smaller and you just don’t care what yours looks like!
And I think the key to it is, as long as we can get out of any conversation with anyone, by saying, you’re wrong, we’re almost happy. And that seems to be a pretty consistent trait with women, we like to be right. We can be argumentative, we can be deliberately confusing, but we do confusing almost by confusing ourselves, and then try to explain it from the standpoint of reason, like we’re serious, and sometimes we are the only ones we really convince we are serious, let alone making sense. That also confuses us into believing we aren’t confused, and further confuses whom ever we are out to confuse, did I make that clear enough? It’s a case of. insert part ‘a’ into slot ‘b’, only remark it slot ‘a’ so there are now two slot ‘a’s and then put part ‘c’ into any slot it will fit in and call a plumber. Got it? Every husband and male in a relationship just agreed, didn’t ya guys? It’s not you ‘got it’, it’s you won’t even try to go there, and we sort of know that…see you guys are kind of predictable that way. That would be score… home team two, visitors zip. And we don’t need mirrors to do it either, we come by it naturally.
And the reason they don’t let women play football is, we’d get out there and change the rules, we would! It’s a dumb game anyway, so it needs remodeling, so maybe a pale lavender for the other guys pants, and a sprig of lily of the valley for the brunettes and? See? It’s sort of instinct with us females to change things. And without us, you men would all live in bachelor hell. Consider that. For every good thing there is a counter part in an alternate universe. And sour cream may even go “good” when it’s left out all night in some of them.
Ah, and the world then had this sexual revolution and now we don’t have to cook as often, and then they have women’s rights so we get paid more, and then there’s chivalry although slowly it is becoming out of style, so we still get our seats on the bus from some of you, life should be good for us ladies about now, but I think the truth is we’re at least as confused by all of this stuff as men are. And I’m not sure we’re always happy with how the world is. And in that may be a key to what makes us tick I think…
Once upon a time, men did battle, they slew dragons, they wore shining armor and rode great white horses. They dashed, and we called them dashing, and women swooned and you guys caught us before we tumbled to the ground, if there was a puddle in life’s sidewalk a man threw his coat over it, which still makes no sense to me, now my feet get wet, his coat is dripping and we’re supposed to find that helpful and courteous? Sounds like some dry cleaning company put that idea together if you ask me! But you were our heroes, you solved the world’s problems, you provided comfort and gentility, you took us dancing, you fought for our honor and our hand, and you took care of us, and all we had to do was wear dresses and look cute. Or so the stories say?
There were bad guys and good guys, and they wore the appropriate colored hats, so we could tell who was who, the music played to signal danger or dastardly deeds about to unfold, we had little princess phones that lit up and we all dreamed of some guy showing up with a glass slipper and it only fit us. And away we all flew in the arms of a dark stranger with deep mysterious eyes and a smile that promised delights we had never considered. We twirled in our dreams, we pranced, we wore silk and satin and lace. We were Joan of Arc at times, yielding the sword of the righteous, we were Jackie O foxhunting in a her pill box hat, we were Tinkerbell flitting to and fro to warn Peter of danger, and we had a fairy godmother to rescue us from a cruel life of drudgery and we ended up comparing Maytag and Frigidaire and trying to budget enough for pizza on Fridays.. I seriously suspect I’m not the only one wondering what the hell went wrong. I keep waiting for the old broad with the magic wand to show up to clean house for me, sigh.
So when it comes down to what we want, well we’d like life to be simple again I think, or more glamorous, or less exhausting or more exciting, we wish some of the fairy tales were true, we want illusions sometimes and delusions of grandeur, even if they only last until the kids wake up, and I almost doubt I’ll get a lot of argument on that, other than that one girl who still is cranky about the comment about her butt size, we women also bear grudges you see, we’re like elephants, we don’t forget!
We want flowers in the spring, and maybe on special occasions, we want thoughtfulness, which is maybe the biggest key to it all, we want to know we’re in your thoughts, and whether its flowers or candy or just a cute note, that’s what we’re after, constant reassurance you love us, and we’re you’re little princess, even if we aren’t so little or anyone else’s.
We like to think you think about us, and we think about you? It’s a girl thing to think about you boys, and it amazes us you men don’t seem to ever think about us like we do, because you guys don’t talk, probably cause I used up more than my share of words, but? The point is we do…we just gush out our feelings, we say, we whine, we carry on, we vent, we wheedle, we rage and we storm, and sometimes we just chat for fun too! that you think about us enough to see through all the mystique and confusion, we want to be your puzzles. We want you to solve us, put us together. We want to be understood, is part of it, and that may to some extent be, because we can’t figure ourselves out either! So we’re hoping you can, cause you did put that silly “requires some assembly” thing together, and I think, most of us require some assembly. Or if we don’t, we will! We like it when you assemble us, but? Careful now, don’t tell us we need to be different then we are or we’ll assume you don’t love us. We’re fragile, we’re tough, we’re evilly wonderful for moments and sometimes we’re just boring as hell.
We like attention, we like to be the focus of yours, and to us, it equivalates carrying, we want to be cared for, and not just tangibly. We want to come home to candles and wine, we want to have our backs rubbed at times and asked how our day was, and maybe even listened to intently! Not this mumbled, unhuh, or that frozen deer caught in the headlights look you men get when you’re sure any answer will invoke a fight. The reaction to does my butt look big in these pants, and the correct answer IS! Honey, you’re butt, no matter how it changes over the years makes me just grin, you know I love your butt, and I will always love your butt, and yes I like how you look in those pants…or if the pants look terrible, say, and yes, those pants aren’t your most flattering…I like the GREEN ones better, that’s all it takes…women are like guns? If you aim us we’re fine, but don’t just pull the trigger and don’t look where we’re pointed or we could hurt some one, and it may end up being YOU!
There are studies, and I’ve read a few, and I’ll probably misquote them some in this,but in one, I read that women use some 20,000 more words daily on average then men do, which just boggled me as I started to count the words I used, going I don’t use 20,000 words a day do I? Let alone 20,000 MORE words, good heavens! And most of the men who know me are hiding the laughter behind their hands, thinking oh she uses more than her share, oh boy does she! And in that same article it said, men’s thumbs were twenty times as strong as a woman’s from generations of pulling triggers and bows and arrows and things, and that I’ll buy into, and now I know why you get the jars open, when I can’t, it’s heredity! And ya know, I think it wasn’t just triggers you strengthened those thumbs on guys…
Now in all that somewhere are some statements about evolution and our less civilized backgrounds that sociologists could probably explain at length in great detail. The hunter and the gatherer thing, being part of that, where men evolved as a hunting creature, who had to forget and move on if he missed the mastodon, or it was not an option to call for pizza, so he must move forward, he couldn’t dwell on things or seek solace for a bad day, and he couldn’t be chatting or the mastodon’s would here him sneaking up on them and if he didn’t get meat? the woman was gonna leave him for a guy who could hunt, and women had to stay by the cave and protect the young, and remember where that patch of blackberries was each year so they could go gather them, and worried about predators attacking, and what time Martha Stewart came on, and whether to do the cave in a faux wash of mint greens to match the moss or to leave it sort of natural and just accent it, so the learning skills and thinking processes evolved differently for each gender is I think what happened.
And then civilization added it’s madness to it all with clothes and morality and rules and neighbors, and then churches got in on it with the thou shalts and thou shalt not’s…and about them they came up with this good girls do, and nice girls don’t, or do I have that backwards, and so every little princess out there isn’t really sure what it’s about. And without meaning to sound sacri-religious, even Mary didn’t have sex?
So in all that is how we came about, the modern day woman, we need to be androgenous at work, we need to think like men, we need to grow the bacon, catch it, butcher it, cure it, slice it, and cook it, and about then any one who expects it served too, is gonna get hurt!
We need to be mothers and self reliant, smart and less concerned with being female, we get bombarded with marketing showing us as intelligent and capable, and I think what we are losing touch with is OUR feminine side. It’s not men who need to get in touch with theirs, it’s women who need to refind theirs. Things like pleasures and relaxing and enjoyment of sensuality and feminity don’t fit well with being super Mom and upper management execs.
So what we want from men, hasn’t really changed that much, we just almost forget what we want, and in that, maybe what we need is to be reminded we are women, and ladies, and lovers and friends and sexual creatures.
Once upon a time, men so feared women’s sexuality, and that it would lead to promiscuity and disloyalty that they, you guys, took it away from women. You did, you taught us not to want it, that it was bad to want it, and that only THOSE kind of women did want it, and it’s message comes through early and consistently. Ladies sit like this, ladies don’t swear, ladies do this…and blondes have more fun!
So we want masculine men, period, we all do, we love your maleness, it appeals to our femaleness on a primal level. But with that, we have to have the time and the inclination to shift from our daily living as mothers and car pool drivers and business people, and for that we need romance or gentleness. We need to be understood, that actually we do love being sexual, we just can’t remember that at times. So we need to be reminded gently.
We need to be believed in, we desperately need to be loved, and held and stroked and petted. Just like men do. We need to be included in your lives, as something important. We need to matter more than going fishing on Saturdays or to the gym or even to work. We need to be able to talk to you, to tell you things without being afraid you’ll be hurt or won’t listen too. Things like our fantasies and our hopes and dreams, even our feelings.
It’s not that hard to do even, dedicate a song to us on a radio station, agree to listen to the same radio station together at certain times of the day. Bring a flower home for no specific reason, even pick one and bring it in, small things touch us, things that say I think about you, or even I had this spontaneous thought of you, and you matter. Send a post card on a business trip from the airport, that says If something should ever happen to me, I want you to know how much I love you. Things like that, are what we want and need.
Do the dishes once, and say, Let me, your tired. Arrange to send the kids away one evening and surprise me with a dinner out, or a dinner in, or just pizza and you! Take time to reach our feminine side, and make us want to reach out to you, is about all it takes.
Sexual technique is great it is, and women do take more to warm up then men do. Men externalize sex and internalize feelings, and women internalize sex and externalize feelings, so when you guys don’t talk and don’t say and don’t argue, we take it to be indifference and lack of caring. Because to us, we’d say something!
But in seventh grade, I looked up, intercourse in the dictionary, in that curious stage of what is this stuff, ooh, and was terribly disappointed to learn the definition was a conversation, well, in someways, that is about all one really needs to know about sex. It is communication, physical, emotional, intellectual, primal and basic, communication between people who so love and so care for each other that they need to unite as one. And if you keep that in mind, the rest is pretty easy. Without communication, physical, verbal, or written, we are separate entities. And it has to start somewhere, before it can reach all.
Most women’s fantasies do revolve around being ravished and taken, swept off their feet, made to be sexually uninhibited, and they are away to get past those societal bonds we’ve all had placed on us, and they feel very very wrong to have. But they’re real. They are. And they are a way to deal with things like inhibitions. But to get to those, we have to trust you really do want to know, it’s not going to be misunderstood, or lead to places we really don’t want to go, and that you actually love us for being sexual. That good girl thing again. We have been taught, good girls get, and bad girls oooh, get left behind.
We’ve learned about each other on TV, and movies, and through marketing hype? Through articles written by people who don’t know and don’t even like, the other sex, and through negativity. We’ve learned sexuality is overrated and unnecessary and can be evil, that men are bad, men need to be tamed and civilized, men are too primnal, they’re tough and mean, and you men aren’t! And we women aren’t all witches either…and I guess what we all need is a little private time, to explore each other, be attentive, listen with our hearts and eyes, and hear with our souls. Take the time to enjoy our trip together, and each other, and the differences, and when an orgasm is the only goal, well, we miss a lot of the joy of the trip, and we often don’t get where we want to go that way.
What we want is to be part of you and your lives. We want appreciation shown and verbalized, we want regular reminders that you care, and we want to know that to you, sex is about showing feelings, and the rest should pretty much fall into place. Or it did at my house.
Hope this helps!